How to Find Yourself in a Whole New World

Do you ever just wake up and find yourself in a whole new world? In theory, you know how you got there, but it feels like one day *boom* you’re in a different place surrounded by different people. Sometimes it can be a literal whole new world. That was me, two years ago. I moved from a city to a small town for a specific purpose and found myself so enthralled in that purpose that the real world around me fell away. Until one day I woke up 2 years later and pulled myself out of that tunnel and realized that although I’ve been living here for 2 years, I’m floundering. And I get the feeling that it’s too late. Like when you meet someone for the first time and immediately forget their name afterward, but are too afraid to ask for it again and with every passing meeting it gets more awkward until it’s been a few years, and you still don’t know their name. Not that I would know from experience. But I get the feeling that I don’t even know myself anymore, especially in the context of this town with its strange politics and drama.

I may not know who I am in this place, but I’ve realized there are ways to earn back confidence and determination in myself. The biggest way? The media, books, and writing. The media oftentimes gets a bad rap, but in truth, there are so many different platforms where I have found people to connect with. And not on a personal level because we all know how easily that can go South. But, just the same, it’s helpful. Watching others find themselves is inspiring and listening to other people’s stories is motivating. At the same time returning to the first love I’ve ever had: reading is comforting. It reminds me of the versions of myself I used to be and helps me to find how I’ve evolved. And finally, writing. As I write this, I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, but for me, it gives me a place to talk myself into things in a physical form and discover new things about me. I love that after I write something I have the choice of just letting it go, never looking at it again, and no one will ever see it or re-reading and re-working it. It’s almost like you spit out your soul on a piece of paper and get the chance to go back through, clear away all the junk, and get an unobstructed view of yourself.

So, although I may not know who I am at this stage in my life, I’ve got a plan to find her.